Kotač osjećaja

[whisperer]

Kada se radi o našim osjećajima, često ih ne možemo lako prenijeti riječima. Pogotovo kada te riječi razmjenjujemo s nekim do koga nam je stalo, a odnos nam je prepun emocionalne složenosti. 
Kažu da čovjek može doživjeti oko 34 000 emocija!  S tolikim brojem emocija ne znam kako se može ploviti uzburkanom vodom osjećaja, a da se ne izgubi? 

Jeste li ikada osjetili snažne emocije, ali ste se umorili u osmišljavanju pretakanja ih u riječi? Ono kada prerađujemo mješavinu bijesa, tuge i ljutnje? Osjećaj je složen proces, a pomirenje s njim ponekad može biti neodoljivo. 

Ovaj ispod umetnut kotačić osjećaja nudi vizualni prikaz primarnih emocija, prikazujući različiti stupanj i složenost različitih osjećaja. Kao alat može nam pomoći da se uhvatimo u koštac s njima, imenujemo ih i pomirimo se sa njima u mnogim različitim kontekstima, uključujući jednostavno razvijanje veće samosvijesti. 

Kotač je postavljen u kružnom obliku, a svaki odjeljak sadrži tri različita stupnja svake emocije, sa središnjom emocijom u sredini. Svaka emocija označena je bojom, a različiti stupnjevi predstavljeni su tamnijim i svjetlijim bojama. Kotačić također sadrži osam kombinacija ponašanja povezanih sa osjećajima. (ljutnja + očekivanje= agresivnost, radost+ povjerenje= ljubav).

U svakom slučaju, kotačić se može koristiti kako bi se identificirali osjećaji i pomirili se njima, tražili rješenje i donosili odluke, pa čak i zatvorili neku fazu života.

[Tomica]

A razlikujemo li uopce osjecaje i emocije*?

U kolokvijalnom govoru one predstavljaju istoznacnice pa je, mozda, upravo to dio postavljenog problema.

Emocije proizlaze iz nasih osjetilnih reakcija, dakle predstavljaju fizioloske procese, osnovu koju mi naknadno tumacimo, osvjescujemo kao "osjecaje".

Tako je moguce emociju " ljutnje" tumaciti kao osjecaj tuge, npr. Poprilicno dugo imala sam takav problem. Svaku sam emociju naknadno prevodila/tumacila kao tugu.


Vjerojatno je to stvar odgoja prema kojem neki osjecaji nisu drustveno pozeljni, prihvatljivi pa kad osjetimo ljutnju, nas se um prebacuje u onu drustveno prihvatljiviju poput tuge, recimo..

Izrazavanje osjecaja daleko mi je lakse utjeloviti pisanjem, mozda zbog odgode, vremenskog odmaka, mira koji mi je potreban da bih si prevela neku emotivnu reakciju.

Uzivo, prilikom govora, pretvaram se u crveno nesto koje tisinom nastoji ukazati da se nalazi u vrtlogu reakcija koje ne moze trenutno ni pokusati opisati jer osjeca intenzivno i misli ne nadolaze. Obicno imam potrebu pobjeci, smiriti se, da bih to mogla verbalizirati.


***** Komponenta osjećaja daje emociji
subjektivni doživljaj koji ima i smisao i osobno značenje, a ima osnovu u kognitivnim ili
mentalnim procesima. Komponenta tjelesne pobuđenosti uključuje biološku (muskulatura) i
fiziološku (otkucaji srca, adrenalin u krvotoku) aktivaciju, zajedno s aktivacijom autonomnog i
hormonskog sustava budući da oni pripremaju i reguliraju adaptivno tjelesno ponašanje
suočavanja tijekom emocije. Nadalje, komponenta svrhe pridaje emociji prema cilju usmjereno
motivacijsko stanje te objašnjava zašto ljudi imaju koristi od emocija. Socijalno-ekspresivna
komponenta odnosi se na komunikacijski aspekt emocija, a podrazumijeva socijalnu
komunikaciju, facijalnu ekspresiju te glasovnu ekspresiju (Reeve, 2010).

[besposlenpop]

A razlikujemo li uopce osjecaje i emocije*?
,,,

A e.   
Kad zvekneš palcem po pragu, potkoljenicom po ćošku klupice il pričepiš prste u vratima, osjetiš cijeli Svemir. 



Kad ti ode ćale il ljubimac na Večita lovišta, onda suto emocie ...

[Gnječ i tvornica čokolade]

Kada se radi o našim osjećajima, često ih ne možemo lako prenijeti riječima. Pogotovo kada te riječi razmjenjujemo s nekim do koga nam je stalo, a odnos nam je prepun emocionalne složenosti. 
Kažu da čovjek može doživjeti oko 34 000 emocija!  S tolikim brojem emocija ne znam kako se može ploviti uzburkanom vodom osjećaja, a da se ne izgubi? 

Jeste li ikada osjetili snažne emocije, ali ste se umorili u osmišljavanju pretakanja ih u riječi? Ono kada prerađujemo mješavinu bijesa, tuge i ljutnje? Osjećaj je složen proces, a pomirenje s njim ponekad može biti neodoljivo. 

Ovaj ispod umetnut kotačić osjećaja nudi vizualni prikaz primarnih emocija, prikazujući različiti stupanj i složenost različitih osjećaja. Kao alat može nam pomoći da se uhvatimo u koštac s njima, imenujemo ih i pomirimo se sa njima u mnogim različitim kontekstima, uključujući jednostavno razvijanje veće samosvijesti. 

Kotač je postavljen u kružnom obliku, a svaki odjeljak sadrži tri različita stupnja svake emocije, sa središnjom emocijom u sredini. Svaka emocija označena je bojom, a različiti stupnjevi predstavljeni su tamnijim i svjetlijim bojama. Kotačić također sadrži osam kombinacija ponašanja povezanih sa osjećajima. (ljutnja + očekivanje= agresivnost, radost+ povjerenje= ljubav).

U svakom slučaju, kotačić se može koristiti kako bi se identificirali osjećaji i pomirili se njima, tražili rješenje i donosili odluke, pa čak i zatvorili neku fazu života.

bokte, samo jedna mala feta su dobre pozitivne emocije a sve ostalo u krug samo loše i negativne emocije.

nije ni čudo da se pozitivne emocije mogu lako sjebati raznim trikovima emocionalnim manipulacijama itd. welcome to the reality.

[whisperer]

A razlikujemo li uopce osjecaje i emocije*?

U kolokvijalnom govoru one predstavljaju istoznacnice pa je, mozda, upravo to dio postavljenog problema.

Emocije proizlaze iz nasih osjetilnih reakcija, dakle predstavljaju fizioloske procese, osnovu koju mi naknadno tumacimo, osvjescujemo kao "osjecaje".

Tako je moguce emociju " ljutnje" tumaciti kao osjecaj tuge, npr. Poprilicno dugo imala sam takav problem. Svaku sam emociju naknadno prevodila/tumacila kao tugu.


Vjerojatno je to stvar odgoja prema kojem neki osjecaji nisu drustveno pozeljni, prihvatljivi pa kad osjetimo ljutnju, nas se um prebacuje u onu drustveno prihvatljiviju poput tuge, recimo..

Da, to si dobro pointirala. U suštini se razlikuju, iako su oboje sinonimi za stanja na koje ne možemo utjecati. 
Emocija bi bila naša reakcija na neki podražaj, dok je osjećaj subjektivna interpretacija emocije (proizašla iz kognitivne obrade). Primjerice, bol je osjećaj, nije emocija.

Ili možda ljepše rečeno:

[whisperer]

Vjerojatno je to stvar odgoja prema kojem neki osjecaji nisu drustveno pozeljni, prihvatljivi pa kad osjetimo ljutnju, nas se um prebacuje u onu drustveno prihvatljiviju poput tuge, recimo..

Izrazavanje osjecaja daleko mi je lakse utjeloviti pisanjem, mozda zbog odgode, vremenskog odmaka, mira koji mi je potreban da bih si prevela neku emotivnu reakciju.

Uzivo, prilikom govora, pretvaram se u crveno nesto koje tisinom nastoji ukazati da se nalazi u vrtlogu reakcija koje ne moze trenutno ni pokusati opisati jer osjeca intenzivno i misli ne nadolaze. Obicno imam potrebu pobjeci, smiriti se, da bih to mogla verbalizirati.

A kada bi svi snažnije poradili na emotivnoj inteligenciji, koliko bi samo bila poboljšana međukulturna komunikacija općenito! Sposobnost kontrolirati i pozitivno reagirati na svoje osjećaje je moćnije i kada kulturološki konstrukti nabacuju svoje komunikacijske blokade. Sve mi se više ovaj kotač sviđa. 

Više manje slično i kod mene, samo što se posljednjih godina baš snažno suočavam sa time, jer ako mi nemamo kontrolu nad vlastitim osjećajima/ emocijama, drugi hoće.

[whisperer]

bokte, samo jedna mala feta su dobre pozitivne emocije a sve ostalo u krug samo loše i negativne emocije.

nije ni čudo da se pozitivne emocije mogu lako sjebati raznim trikovima emocionalnim manipulacijama itd. welcome to the reality.

Vidi, i pod suprised može biti pozitivno.

[Gnječ i tvornica čokolade]

bokte, samo jedna mala feta su dobre pozitivne emocije a sve ostalo u krug samo loše i negativne emocije.

nije ni čudo da se pozitivne emocije mogu lako sjebati raznim trikovima emocionalnim manipulacijama itd. welcome to the reality.

Vidi, i pod suprised može biti pozitivno.

meni surprised može biti pozitivno samo u dva slučaja:

1. da pogodim jackpot na lutriji

2. da vidim kapo su pocrkali svi 'rvacki političari i njihovo potomstvo a i svi uhljebi gdje opet dolazimo do moje odokativne cifre od 100.000 'rvata koje se mora streljati da bi ostali konačno mogli živjeti.

sva ostala surprise surprise iznenađenja su negativna i promptno me zguraju u angry zone i vatam se rašpe, bumbe i livorvera.

[bitvica]

A razlikujemo li uopce osjecaje i emocije*?

U kolokvijalnom govoru one predstavljaju istoznacnice pa je, mozda, upravo to dio postavljenog problema.

Emocije proizlaze iz nasih osjetilnih reakcija, dakle predstavljaju fizioloske procese, osnovu koju mi naknadno tumacimo, osvjescujemo kao "osjecaje".

Tako je moguce emociju " ljutnje" tumaciti kao osjecaj tuge, npr. Poprilicno dugo imala sam takav problem. Svaku sam emociju naknadno prevodila/tumacila kao tugu.


Vjerojatno je to stvar odgoja prema kojem neki osjecaji nisu drustveno pozeljni, prihvatljivi pa kad osjetimo ljutnju, nas se um prebacuje u onu drustveno prihvatljiviju poput tuge, recimo..

Izrazavanje osjecaja daleko mi je lakse utjeloviti pisanjem, mozda zbog odgode, vremenskog odmaka, mira koji mi je potreban da bih si prevela neku emotivnu reakciju.

Uzivo, prilikom govora, pretvaram se u crveno nesto koje tisinom nastoji ukazati da se nalazi u vrtlogu reakcija koje ne moze trenutno ni pokusati opisati jer osjeca intenzivno i misli ne nadolaze. Obicno imam potrebu pobjeci, smiriti se, da bih to mogla verbalizirati.


***** Komponenta osjećaja daje emociji
subjektivni doživljaj koji ima i smisao i osobno značenje, a ima osnovu u kognitivnim ili
mentalnim procesima. Komponenta tjelesne pobuđenosti uključuje biološku (muskulatura) i
fiziološku (otkucaji srca, adrenalin u krvotoku) aktivaciju, zajedno s aktivacijom autonomnog i
hormonskog sustava budući da oni pripremaju i reguliraju adaptivno tjelesno ponašanje
suočavanja tijekom emocije. Nadalje, komponenta svrhe pridaje emociji prema cilju usmjereno
motivacijsko stanje te objašnjava zašto ljudi imaju koristi od emocija. Socijalno-ekspresivna
komponenta odnosi se na komunikacijski aspekt emocija, a podrazumijeva socijalnu
komunikaciju, facijalnu ekspresiju te glasovnu ekspresiju (Reeve, 2010).

Bravo. 
Biti ljut nije prihvatljivo i vrlo često mijenjamo tugu i ljutnju. 

Mislim da je pola posla odrađeno već samim prepoznavanjem emocije, jer je onda moguće i osjećaj prilagoditi upravo toj emociji.
Da bi ih prepoznali moramo znati razliku među emocijama koje izazivaju slične fizičke reakcije (nrp. lupanje srca, ubrzano disanje itd.) . To nas nitko ne uči, pa sve trpamo u isti koš. 

Zanimljivo je kako različito reagiramo na jednake emocije 
Ja uopće nemam potrebu pobjeći, reagiram odmah bez obzira o kakvoj emociji je riječ. Dovoljno mi je samo par sekundi odgode da poslije uopće nemam potrebe za bilo kakvom reakcijom. E, ali kako se natjerati na tu spasonosnu odgodu? 

[Gnječ i tvornica čokolade]

čitam knjigu. ima zanimljivih stvari u toj knjizi pa ću pokušati c-p jedan dio.

The Ten Minds

There’s an old saying, “Be careful what you wish for,” and this holds true for meditators, especially beginners. In the same way first-year medical students often imagine they have every symptom of every disease in their medical texts, so, too, beginning meditators, especially those bringing an inordinate amount of “Mama, Trauma, and Drama” with them into their meditation sessions, often find “bothersome and troubling” thoughts “bubbling” up during their meditation. Relax . . . It’s not Satan.

Human beings spend so much of their average day running here and there that, all too often, they don’t take time to think about (1) the things that really matter, and (2) the things just beneath the surface that are really bothering them. (Yes, it is kinda like psychoanalysis, except you’re not paying $150.00 an hour!) Relax, the best mind-expanding mushrooms grow out of manure.

According to the Japanese Shingon 73 Buddhist Master Kukai (aka Kobo Daishi, 774–835 A.D.), there are ten “levels” (or types, if you will) to the human mind. Keep in mind (heh-heh-heh) this realization came about 1,000 years before Sigmund Freud lit his first cigar! What Kukai discovered (or at least perfected from his studies in China) were the ten levels of understanding and awareness (Jp. Jujushin) at which all human beings function. Shingon Buddhist meditators see each of these “ten minds” as another stepping-stone toward enlightenment.

First we “own” them, then we transcend them. But we must never remain contentedly trapped within them. Studying these ten minds allows us to realistically assess our “level of functioning,” i.e., how we see the world: for example, through “Goat’s Mind,” a life dominated by lusts; or else further up this mental totem pole we might manifest “Child’s Mind” by becoming religious, albeit dogmatically so. At the pinnacle, we reach a state of “enlightenment,” passing beyond selfish concerns to embrace a balanced, non-attached mind—a mind not easily swayed by the doubts, deceptions, and dreads of “Mama, Trauma, and Drama.”

Buddhist Masters warn that each of these jujushin contain the “seeds” of the other. Just because we “raise” our thinking to a “higher” level doesn’t mean that those “lower” levels of thought (and action) are not still there, ready and eager to re-embrace us should our attention to detail falter the least bit.

Having realistically exorcised his own mental demons (doubts, fears, ambitions, etc.), realistically assessing his own mind-set within the jujushin, Musashi was then free to “size up” his opponents, instantly recognizing through their words and actions, or lack thereof, exactly which of the jujushin dominated them. Having ascertained which jujushin mind-frame his opponent was “coming from,” Musashi was then free to craft a strategy specifically designed to undermine his opponent—readying the sheep for the slaughter.

Adept people-readers (like Musashi) purposely shepherd their opponents to function at the simplest and easily manipulated level of the jujushin possible. For example, for the opponent dominated by an “Unborn Mind,” we might play on his superstitious nature—convincing him Lady Luck has abandoned him and thus he should, likewise, abandon his present course of action.
The ability to recognize which of the Ten Minds our opponent is operating from likewise helps us devise jujushin-based strategies tailored to that opponent. There’s nothing inherently “Eastern” about this approach. Nor is it in any way mysterious. We all already do this every day. You talk “differently” to a prospective employer than you do to your buds at the bowling alley, right? You frame an explanation you’re giving to another adult differently than you do when explaining the same thing to a child.

Likewise, when a sennin, or an adroit Master like Musashi, realized they were dealing with a person coming from a different “perspective” (i.e., one of the Ten Minds), they instantly modified their speech, and in some cases their body language, to better communicate with (i.e., accommodate) that person. Con men, politicians (is that redundant?), and salesmen of all sorts do this very same thing: talking to the person on their level.
Whereas we in the West might not be as “organized” when it comes to discerning these Ten Minds, we still take them into account. For example, when talking to a religious-oriented person (jujushin: “Child’s Mind”), we usually keep our cussing to a minimum. When we’re talking to a more cerebral person, a college professor, for example (jujushin: “Single-Truth Mind”), we try to take our speech up a notch or two.

Likewise, when we run into a selfless person (“No-Self Mind,” like Mother Teresa, Gandhi, etc.), we usually speak with a little more “reverence.” In the same way, once we perceive what level of jujushin our enemy is operating at, we can craft our approach to him based on the inherent weakness to be found within each of the Ten Minds:

[Gnječ i tvornica čokolade]

[Gnječ i tvornica čokolade]

bokte, samo jedna mala feta su dobre pozitivne emocije a sve ostalo u krug samo loše i negativne emocije.

nije ni čudo da se pozitivne emocije mogu lako sjebati raznim trikovima emocionalnim manipulacijama itd. welcome to the reality.

Vidi, i pod suprised može biti pozitivno.

hajde potrudimo se pogledati tu cijelu situaciju tj. paletu iznad sa osjećajima i emocijama iz nekog drugog kuta, neke druge perspektive koja je po mojem mišljenju realnija od ove iznad idealizirane misleading fabrikacije koja nikamo ne vodi.

misleading:

giving the wrong idea or impression ; deceptive, confusing, deceiving, fallacious

počet ću sa ova dva videa ispod koje bi bilo dobro poslušati:

lecture n. 1

BREADCRUMBING

[Gnječ i tvornica čokolade]

lecture n. 2

FUTURE FAKING

[Gnječ i tvornica čokolade]

lecture n. 3

MIND READING

[Gnječ i tvornica čokolade]

lecture n. 4

SCAPEGOAT

[Gnječ i tvornica čokolade]

e ovo je zanimljivo:

lecture n. 5

cognitive dissonance

[Gnječ i tvornica čokolade]

možda Wisp svrati da malo popričamo kako nam narcisi okreću i vrte kotač osjećaja-emocija pa onda kroz neko razdoblje više nismo u stanju razabrati da li su naše emocije pravo naše ili su naše emocije inducirane manipulacijama izvana koje se onda prikazuju kao pravo naše emocije.


da nastavim:

The 8 Most Common Narc-Sadistic Conversation Control Tactics

Do you often engage in conversations with your narcissist that leave you feeling like you were talking to a brick wall – or worse, maybe leave you feeling like banging your head against a brick wall? Perhaps, it has even crossed your mind that you would have been better off conversing with a brick wall because the wall would have more capacity of providing understanding, validation, and empathy than the narcissist in your life!

Real life conversations with a narcissist are exhausting, dizzying, nerve-racking, and make you feel like you’re going crazy – or at least drive a compassionate person to question their own reality, and even their sanity at times. The circular conversations leave you feeling worse off than if you had never had them in the first place. You begin to blame yourself, doubt your instincts and wonder what the heck is going on?

REVERSE PROJECTION

Before we realize the truth about the narcissist in our lives, we relate to them as if they are normal human beings possessing a conscience, integrity and some degree of self-awareness. We trust their words because we don’t deceive and manipulate people and trust that the people who claim to love us will do the same. We give them the benefit of the doubt because we believe they truly love no one who truly loves us would purposely say or do anything to hurt our feelings and us. We are in essence projecting our good qualities on to them, and when they don’t respond the way we expect a normal person would, we become confused and hurt, question our reality and believe we must be to blame in some way. The problem is that narcissists don’t think, operate or play by the same rules as us, and our failing to recognize this sets us up for manipulation and misery by default.

Conversations with a narcissist, especially if you hold opinions about anything that contradict with their opinion of what is the gospel truth, are jam-packed with a barrage of covert manipulation tactics that are intrinsic to the narcissist and entrenched in their personality. They will make you wish you never disagreed with them in the first place and regret that you had ever dared to express your point of view. A simple disagreement will often incite a full-fledged attack on you. Somehow, they manage to twist the conservation, so you wind up feeling like the bad guy/girl, while they assume the role of the innocent victim – of you.

CONVERSATIONS ARE NOT CONVERSATIONS; THEY ARE VERBAL COMPETITIONS

When you challenge your narcissist’s lies, discrepancies, and groundless accusations; suggest that they are less than perfect; try to get them to understand your point of view; confront them on their cruel behaviors; or approach them about the lack of reciprocity in the relationship, the discussion will likely decay into a crazy-making, chaotic, drama packed, mind-spinning, migraine induced headache that is intended to wear you down and punish you for suggesting or exposing a fact that doesn’t support their grandiose view of themselves or maintain their need to feel superior and all mighty.

Narcissists never enter into conversations. They enter into verbal competitions. Their goal is to win at all costs. They have no interest in seeking understanding, clarification or compromise, or in reaching a meeting of the minds. Their conversations are only meant to manipulate, confuse, control, destabilize, deflect accountability, cast doubt, distort reality and create drama.

ENABLERS AND TONGUE BITERS

Narcissists only surround themselves with people who are either so charmed by them that they blindly believe every word they say is true or people who have learned that it’s easier to keep their mouths shut rather than reap the wrath of expressing an opposing opinion.

Anyone in a narcissist’s life that doesn’t fall into one of the two categories of Enablers or Tongue Biters will certainly be given the boot. But first the narcissist will discipline you with their collection of manipulation tactics, so when they do give you the boot, you will be sure to go out believing the reasons for your dismissal were all your fault.

HERE ARE THE 8 MOST COMMON CONVERSATION MANIPULATION TACTICS

1. TOPIC SWITCHEROO

Here’s how this works. You and your narcissist are in the middle of a conversation; it’s going well until you disagree or present facts that contradict the narcissist’s point of view. The narcissist knows that your facts are indisputable and you have the upper-hand, so to gain control of the conversation and win the argument, the narcissist will deviate into a tangent of verbal vomit attempting to hoodwink you and pull the ole’ topic switcheroo. Before you know it, you’re discussing something totally unrelated to the original conversation, and you find yourself in defensive mode about some issue the two of you disagreed on last year.

2. THE BLAME GAME

Blame shifting is usually a tactic used subsequently to the Topic Switcheroo. The narcissist, like a magician, successfully changes the topic and diverts your attention by pointing the finger at you, and you suddenly find yourself on the defensive end of the conversation stick. The narcissist will raise questions about any and all of your real or perceived faults and pummel you. You, in turn, instinctively defend yourself, and the narcissist, just like Houdini, makes the original topic of their bad behavior disappear and escapes having to take any accountability for their actions. Meanwhile, you’re tricked into taking on the defensive position and accused and blamed for creating problems and drama in the relationship.

3. PROJECTION

Hypocrisy is the narcissist’s middle name. What they say and do when no one is watching is drastically different from what they say and do in the presence of others. Since they are all about maintaining their false persona they use projection to rid the unwanted traits in their character. But since they are the emotional equivalent of a five-year-old, they magically disown the parts of themselves that reflect negatively on their personas and accuse you of the exact things they’re guilty of doing. Did you ever notice how they will accuse the most generous person of being selfish or having a hidden agenda behind their generosity? The most honest person is accused of being a liar. Their faithful partner is accused of cheating? The narcissist’s projections are really confessions that reveal what the narcissist is guilty of and/ or believes about himself/herself.

In contrast, emotionally healthy people don’t use projection when they’re on the defensive. When and if they resort to character assignation, their comments more closely resemble the truth and tend to resemble slander. Not the outright lies that characterize projection.

4. TURNING UP THE VOLUME

When narcissists act with a disproportionate amount of anger or rage by increasing the volume and tempo of their voice, you can bet that they’re trying to shock and bully you. Their actions are an absolute declaration of psychological warfare. Their increased volume is a ploy to get to you to back off. The sudden, shocking, cruel and disproportionate attack is an offensive maneuver aimed to destabilize, confuse and intimidate you. When you’re under attack and in a state of shock, your defenses naturally become weakened. The stress of being attacked and yelled at decreases your mental acuity and leaves you open to suggestion. As a result, your weakened state renders you less of an intellectual threat to the narcissist’s need for control and dominance.

5. PLAYING THE VICTIM

There is much truth in the quote, “Deceit’s favorite role is playing the victim.” It’s no wonder why when the narcissist isn’t playing the role of the hero, he/she is playing the role poor victim. Through garnering pity, narcissists will play the victim, while vilifying the real victim, as a way of concealing their abusive behavior and avoid taking responsibility for their cruel and deceitful actions. Narcissists capitalize on the compassion of others and exploit their sympathy in any way they can, depending upon what their goal is at the time. If the narcissist doesn’t want to keep a promise and you become upset, your feelings won’t be validated; there will be no apology or display of empathy. Instead, the narcissist will get angry at you for being upset and blame you for your lack of empathy in not considering that they may be having a bad week, stress at work or so on.

You will be labeled selfish or accused of being needy or demanding for expecting the poor narcissist to honor his/her word. However, if you have a bad week, don’t expect to receive the same treatment. The narcissist will expect you to keep your promise and will minimize and invalidate your feelings by portraying themselves as the victim. The narcissist will always one-up you by reciting a litany of reasons why their week was so much worse than yours or lecture you on how your life is so much easier than theirs, and so on. Whatever you can do, they can do better. Whatever bad thing happened to you, something worse happened to them.

6. GASLIGHTING

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse so insidious that many articles have been written about it. Narcissists use this tactic in conversations by purposely altering or not sharing information and replacing it with false information. This tactic is designed to systematically dismantle the victim’s ability to trust their own judgement and undermine their confidence to the point where they begin to doubt their own memories and judgements, thus rendering them highly suggestible to the narcissist’s opinion.

For example, a narcissist may casually but consistently suggest how their memory is superior to yours, especially if you ever admit to being forgetful about anything. They may even go so far as hiding or rearranging your belongings, intentionally tricking you into believing your memory is faulty. Then when a difference in opinion arises or you expose a discrepancy in their story, the narcissist, with absolute conviction, will use your faulty memory as evidence to make you doubt what you heard or saw and second guess yourself, causing you to ultimately accept the narcissist’s rendition of the truth.

7. INTERRUPTING

Narcissists are notorious conversation interrupters. They love to be the center of attention and control the focus of the conversation. They have no interest in having a two-way discussion with you. If you dare attempt to get a word in edge-wise or make your point of view heard, if it at all contradicts the narcissist’s point of view, your opinion will most likely be ignored or dismissed. While many people with ADHD and other mental disorders struggle with problems of poor impulsivity or poor communication and often interrupt others, the narcissist intentionally interrupts to redirect the focus of the conversation back to themselves since they believe their opinions are superior and correct, and that whatever they say should be accepted as the gospel truth.

They genuinely have zero interest in hearing other people’s viewpoints or reaching compromises or win/win solutions to disagreements. They have a ‘my way or the highway’ frame of mind and interrupting allows them to control the conversation and manage it in a direction that parallels their point of view and agenda. By monopolizing the conversation, they exert their control and avoid taking responsibility or addressing important issues. In their minds, their ability to dominate conversations confirms their superiority.

8. THE SILENT-TREATMENT

The silent treatment is probably one of the most common forms of emotional abuse used by narcissists when all the above tactics have been tried and have failed. Narcissists use the silent treatment as a form of punishment for not acquiescing to their point of view or as the way to gain the upper hand and control in their relationships. It’s also a way to avoid discussing important issues in the relationship and avoid taking accountability for their wrong-doings. When a narcissist uses the silent treatment, they will do it in a way that is so out of proportion to the situation. Narcissists will also tend to demand a perfectly delivered apology. If the apology is not said correctly or in the right way, the narcissists will extend the length of the silent treatment. By demanding a perfectly delivered apology, narcissists confirm their dominance and support their exaggerated importance.

The silent treatment is intended to make the victim feel completely unloved, invalidated and insignificant. The use of the silent treatment is usually about control. Sometimes the narcissist will use the silent treatment just to assess the amount of control they have over people. Often, it will be used as a tactic to create distance and free up space to engage in infidelity or pursue new admirers. Victims are left feeling destroyed, as the silent treatment kills any possibility of reconciliation.

THE SEARCH FOR ANSWERS

The many people who’ve been expelled from the narcissist’s life know there is something terribly wrong with the narcissist. However, many of them never bothered or cared enough to connect the dots and define the craziness they were subjected to.

But for those who have had intimate relationships with a narcissist for any length of time, it almost becomes an unsettling necessity to search for answers and put the pieces together to restore their equilibrium and unearth the reality of the absolute insanity that had become their normal existence.

This is what drives most former partners of narcissists to hit the internet and actively Google the WHY DID questions – for example: Why did my partner always think they were right? Why did my mother never apologize? Why did my spouse always give me the silent treatment? Why did my sibling always make me feel like I was to blame? Why did my perfect partner change?

IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY ABOVE THE CLOUDS

Their Google search queries lead them to articles about narcissism and narcissistic traits. Survivors voraciously ingest the massive amounts of information permeating the world-wide web. The descriptions are so eerily accurate that if they didn’t know better, they would swear the articles were written about their relationship. The precision in which the articles depict their relationships, from the golden beginnings right down to the horrid end, to the t becomes the indisputable validation that precipitates the cloud of confusion to dissipate, allowing enlightenment to illuminate the truth of their situation with profound clarity. No, narcissism is not limited to vanity or arrogance, as they originally believed. It is so much more pathological and insidious than they could have ever imagined; and even worse, there is no cure.

Gradually, through their research, they realize that the narcissist never really loved them or anyone for that matter, as narcissists are wholly incapable of love and devoid of a conscience. Survivors slowly accept that the person they were in love with was just a façade and never really existed. Finally, this awareness forces them to mourn the loss of three people, only amplifying and adding to their grief. First, they must mourn the loss of the person they loved who never really existed. Second, they must mourn the loss of the person they believed their narcissist had the potential to be. Third, they must mourn the loss of their identity that had been eclipsed under the crushing weight of the imbalance and inequity of their relationship.

THE LENSES OF AWARENESS

Terms they had never heard of before – like love bombing, future faking, false-self, idealization, devaluation, projection, gaslighting, smear campaign, flying monkeys, cognitive dissonance, and triangulation – become part of the survivor’s regular vocabulary. Sadly, they become more adept at explaining the definitions of these terms than most mental health professionals because they are not just terms learned through memorization, but rather words learned through painful, real-life experiences.

Their new-found vocabulary becomes powerfully liberating as they finally offer a palpable term to explain the insanity that once was their reality, but that they were previously at a loss for words to describe. They grow so knowledgeable about the subject of narcissism and traits of NPD; they deserve to earn honorary doctorate degrees in the subject.

The crazy-making conversations of the past start to make more sense through the new lenses of awareness. Survivors begin to finally be able to put the finger on and pin-point the emotional abuse they suffered but failed to perceive was abuse at the time. The layers of blame, guilt, doubt, confusion and uncertainty of their reality that had tormented them start to erode, as they recognize that the layers were deliberately and deceptively deposited onto them by their narcissist. This is the pivotal point, where recovery from narcissistic abuse begins.

Without awareness and education about narcissistic abuse, the chances that a survivor will end up in another abusive relationship are infinitely higher. Emotional abuse is as devastating as any other kind of abuse. It’s intentional and malicious exploitation and manipulation of the heart, soul, spirit, mind, and often the wallet of another human-being, cloaked in counterfeit expressions of love and concern. TC mark

preuzeto sa:

https://thoughtcatalog.com/bree-bonchay/2016/12/the-8-most-common-narc-sadistic-conversation-control-tactics/

[Gnječ i tvornica čokolade]

ja molim svakoga tko je normalan da posluša ovo predavanje:

How does the narcissist experience your survival and coping strategies, such as no contact, grey rock, mirroring, withholding, and background noise? (ENGLISH Excerpts)



cijelo predavanje:



Manipulate the Narcissist and Live to Tell About It? (Lecture in Budapest)

[Gnječ i tvornica čokolade]

THE NARCISSIST'S PRAYER:
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did...
You deserved it!

[Gnječ i tvornica čokolade]

Be Seen - Or Be Sick (Mentally Ill) (Funzing Talk, November 2018, London)


najbolja analiza današnjeg društva koju sam uspio naći i zašto je današnje društvo takvo kakvo je. vrijedi poslušati.

The best analysis of how society is now and why. Bravo!

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